Originally posted by Adam: Hey hey I made the list! I get to go to Camps Anonymous! (Camp and support group rolled into one)
It's long, but I think you'll enjoy it!
The room was nearly pitch dark, with only the pale yellow light from the half-moon entering through the two lone windows. I was sleeping like a rock, dreaming of Mary Jessica, who was the one girl at camp I'd had my eyes on all summer. All of a sudden, I was brought back to conciousness by a noise so loud and offensive, that I could have sworn a wild board was standing two inches away from me. I quickly realized I had heard this sound before, and was not worried. It was that of Counselor CD7, who's intermittent nasal problems had become a detriment to cabin society.
I raised my head up a foot or so off the pillow, and in examing the room, I noticed 13 pairs of large, blood-shot eyes. Obviously I was not the only one who had been so rudely awakened. I sat up in my bunk, taking extra care to be sure I didn't hit my head on the ceiling like I had done before. I glanced over towards Boomis, who looked as if he'd been awakened from a better dream than I had. We made eye contact, and I gave him the signal that I knew everyone else in the room had been agonizingly waiting for. The time to act was now.
CD7's snoring problems had been occuring intermittently since camp had started. Within the past two weeks though, things had gone from bad to worse. The entire cabin was woken up every night by this hideous noise. The other campers and I had decided to begin work on a plan to rid ourselves of this terrible sleep distraction. Don't get me wrong, CD7 was a good counselor and all. He had his little quirks like everyone else, such as refusing to use a urinal toilet, but the snoring was really getting to us. There was one day that had been especially bad, with us getting hardly any sleep at all the night before. Poor Canuck climbed to the top of the climbing tower, and fell asleep as the bellayer was lowering him back down. We knew we were going to have to do something about this.
We all remove ourselves from the bunk, and gathered in the center of the room. Many were rubbing their eyes, but there was no chance of anyone falling asleep. We agreed that the time had come to put our plan into action. Boomis would take his group of 6 and run to the Aquatics storage shed, where they would steal the emergency board like paramedics use to immobilize people, and two flashing emergency beacons. When they returned, we would transfer CD7 to this board, and carry him to the lake. If at that point he was still sleeping, we would proceed with phase two.
Boomis and his group left for the aquatics house, and while they were gone, the rest of us gathered the equipment we would need, which included some rope, a queen-sized air mattress, and a roll of duct tape. By the time we had finished gathering these items, Boomis' group had returned, and phase one was ready to begin.
Slowly we tip-toed towards the back corner of the room, where tne center of the noise was located. As we neared it, we could almost feel shock-waves under our feet. At about a foot away, it felt like a small earthquake was occuring in that area of the cabin. We set to work, spreading out around the bed and getting the back board in place. What would happen is that twelve of us would pick up CD7, while 2 others at the end of the bed would slide the board under him. We took a deep breath, knowing that our chances for sleep depended on what happened here. One...two...three! Quickly CD7 was lifted, the board placed under him, and him set back down on top of it. He had not noticed at all!
We strapped him to the board so he would not fall off, gingerly picked up the board, and carefully made our way to the lake, taking extra care to be sure we didn't jostle him too much and wake him.
When we arrived at the lake, we set CD7 down. Some of the others went down the beach a ways to get the air mattress blown up, while the rest of us stayed and waited with CD7. We were still amazed at how low the snoring was. We could hear some sort of large bird across the lake making some moise, probably in agony at having to listen to this terror of a set of lungs. Boomis' group soon arrived back, and we proceeded to transfer CD7 to the mattress. We had nearly gotten to the point of not having to move him anymore when Golyek's hands slipped, and we dropped CD7 straight onto the mattress! Everyone froze, ready for him to wake up and catch us all. However, CD7 simply positioned himself confortably on the mattress, albeit still snoring. We all breathed a huge sigh of relief.
We sent Crewbie and Camper to pick up the Jon boat from the dock, while the rest of us taped the flashing emergency beacons to the mattress, as well as a sturdy, long rope. When Crewbie and Camper arrived, we tied the mattress on to the boat. They then set out for about a quarter of the way from the shore, with noisy CD7 on a floating mattress in tow behind them. Luckily the water was smooth tonight, and they only needed to use the paddles to move the boat.
Watching from the shore, we saw Camper untie the rope from the boat, and then attach it to a large anchor that was in the boat. Then, concluding our endeavour, they lowered the anchor to the bottom of the lake. They began paddling back, and as they did, those of us left on shore could not help but crack up at this sight: Here was this 30-year-old snoring counselor, lying on a floating air mattress in the middle of a lake, anchored so he doesn't float off, and marker by emergency flashing beacons. This was going to be one of the best pranks pulled at this camp ever!
By the time we had stood back up after falling over laughing so hard, Camper and Crewbie rejoined the group, we headed back to our bunk, rejoicing in our success and looking forward to a long, deserved sleep.
The next morning I woke up, with the sunlight filling the room through the windows. Looking at my watch, I about rolled off the top bunk onto the floor...it was 11:15! I had overslept! I sat up in my bed quickly, nailing my head on the ceiling like I had done so many times before. Looking around the room, I noticed that everyone else was sleeping like babies. How could it be so late and yet nobody had come to check on us? Then I looked over towards the door, and saw camp director Tom sitting in a chair, gazing up at me with a big grin on his face. Oh crap...we had been caught. I got out of bed and slowly walked over to him. He said that he needed to speak with me outside.
When we had gotten outside, we took a seat on a couple of stumps. "This is it" I thought. "We're all going home." "Adam, as I was making my early morning rounds this morning, I noticed something unusual out on the lake. It seems that somehow counselor CD7 was sleeping on an air mattress anchored to the middle of the lake. Can you tell me how this happened?" Not wanting to be in more trouble than I already was, I told him the entire story. When I had finished, he looked at me and said, "Well although you should not have done that to CD7, I heard his snoring a quarter of the way across the lake this morning and it was so loud I nearly went out there myself and stuffed a fish in his mouth so he'd stop! This is the funniest thing that I have ever seen happen at camp, and because of it your group will be allowed to sleep late the rest of the week. CD7 is off today, and CaribouEMT will be your counselor. You are free to go back inside, but let me know next time before you decide to pull anymore pranks."
From there, he got up and left. I was appalled. Had we really just gotten away with this? Holy crap yeehaw!!!
CD7 returned the next day, and he was cool with what we had done. When he had woken up on the lake, he ended up falling off into the water and having to get the lifeguards to come pick him up in the speedboat. The director was with them, and he explained what happened and our reasoning behind what we had done. So CD7 was cool with it, and on his day off he'd even stopped at a drugstore in town and gotten some stuff to help with the snoring. He did however vow to pay us back for this...
apparently you talked to my wife about my snoring!!
